How do you text a girl you just met? Imagine you spent all week approaching girls, collecting phone numbers, looking for one that will give you her time, and you finally find her. What exactly do you say? How do you text this girl, anyway?
Remember this: there is only one ultimate reason to text a girl you just met:
To get her on a date!
In this article, I’ll teach you how to text a girl so that she will meet up with you again.
Keep Texting Simple
Texting doesn’t need to be complicated.
If you approached her properly, she should be interested enough to meet up. It’s your job to NOT screw it up by over-texting or coming off as weird or needy. That’s it. You want to seem like an interesting, NORMAL guy she will feel safe to meet with.
And you have to CLOSE. That means asking for a date, preferably within only a few texts. You don’t want to be her lifelong texting buddy. You want to sleep with her, right?
Bad Texting Examples
When I first started approaching girls, the biggest problem I had was how to text a girl. I’d always get upset if she didn’t reply quickly enough. I’d get frustrated and send a stream of paragraphs, complaining, and trying to “text myself attractive.”
The more energy I invested in the texting, the less often they would reply, which made me text them more. This sort of over-texting can be perceived as desperate. Hot women do not like desperate, needy men.
Let this be a guide on what NOT to do when texting a girl.
A bad series of texts might look like this:
Let’s break that down:
JEFF: Hey Amanda, it’s me, Jeff, the guy you met at Shark Club on Sat night. It was really nice to meet you. Remember you laughed when I told you about my car breaking down on the Interstate? How’s your week been? Did you go to that dance class after all? Hope to hear from you? :) :) ;)
(That is far too long. It shows too much investment early on. Keep your initial texts shorter.)
AMANDA: (No Reply)
JEFF: (Four hours after the first text) Hi Amanda. You must be busy, I am too. Was just thinking we should hang out this week, if you want to. Get back to me! :) :)
(She hasn’t even replied to the first text. It makes Jeff look desperate and needy.)
AMANDA: (No Reply)
JEFF: (Three hours later) Look. I don’t appreciate being ignored. We had a connection. You agreed to hang out, but obviously you can’t keep your word. It’s rude to ignore texts. So you missed out on dating a nice guy. Peace!
(You're getting emotional. Very bad! It shows her you're not in control of your emotions).
After a night of anger and despair over this girl, she finally replies.
AMANDA: (The next afternoon) Oh hi Jeff. Sorry, I was working late and didn’t have my phone. Was so tired, went straight to bed. Just to be clear, I’m not interested in seeing anybody right now. Thanks for the offer. Bye!
How to Text a Girl 101 – Or How NOT to Text a Girl
Jeff broke so many rules:
- He over-texted, sending too many texts in a row before she replied
- He didn’t mirror her messages, or the time it took her to reply
- He also reminded her who he was, and where she met him, without her even asking
- He came off as inexperienced, desperate, and needy
If he did things right when he initially met her, she would have remembered him and had his name saved in her phone.
So, as we dig deeper, let the above exchange remind you of what not to do.
How to Text a Girl Properly:
1. Never Send More than Two Sentences for a First Text – The Shorter, the Better
Keep the first text simple. The only objective is to get a reply.
However, “Hey” isn’t a good first text, because it’s typical and lazy. Anything a little bit different than the average guy will work. Something that shows you remember a small detail about her.
(A simple question to elicit a response)
The only objective of the first text is to get a reply. If she doesn’t reply, then she’s not that interested. It’s best to wait for her to respond. Some girls take up to a week. Be patient. Have other things going on in your life. Meet more women.
Again, the best move is to WAIT FOR HER TO REPLY. Don’t OVER-TEXT.
Pro Tip: When you initially meet a girl, make sure she saves your name in her phone, so when you text her she knows who it is and doesn’t ask “Who is this?” You can type it in yourself (Wayne - from the mall).
2. Mirror the Time It Takes Her to Reply
If she takes one hour to reply, you take one hour to reply.
I hate playing games like this. But you don’t want to seem desperate or needy. You want to appear busy, like you have a life, too, and texting a girl is just a fun distraction. Will it lead to a date? Maybe, maybe not. Either way is fine. You’d like a date, but you don’t NEED it.
That’s the message you want to convey when texting a girl.
She takes one hour, you take one hour. She takes one day, you take one day. Once she starts replying, you can shorten the intervals. She takes one hour, you take 40 minutes until hopefully, you’re replying instantly to each other.
3. Match the Length of Her Texts
It’s better to use as many or fewer words than she does. I know it’s not always possible, but it’s a good rule of thumb. That way, you won’t seem needy or desperate.
You break this rule when she asks you a question or you need to get her investing more into the texts. So to revive a dead text, ask a question, or try to close.
You don’t need to be super strict here. Just try to match the sentence length. Sometimes it’s not possible, and you’ll need to write more to lead her. Just don’t do something like this:
It’s good that you’re showing personality, but odds are you’re revealing too much. Save it for the date.
4. Show Both Curiosity and Personality
You don’t want texts to send that consist of an endless stream of questions, but you don’t want to only talk about yourself, either. Mix it up. Gather information and give her some. She wants to know that you care and feel she has an idea of what you are like as a person.
(Here it’s okay to text a longer sentence because she asked you a question. She’s investing.)
5. Use Emoticons Sparingly
They make you look kind of dumb but are good to show sarcasm (rolling eyes, tongue out). Use them very rarely, or you’ll look like a child.
6. Get to the Point – Ask Her Out! And Close
You want to ask her out within five to ten texts, maximum. Don’t spend days or weeks trying to text yourself attractive.
To ask her out, just say where you want her to meet you:
It could be a bar, a restaurant, a park, or cafe. It doesn’t matter. At some point, you need to ask her out.
The more you text, the higher your odds of saying something stupid and ruining it. So get to the point and ask her out.
Summary of how to text a girl:
Keep it simple
You don’t want to come off as weird, desperate, or needy
Match the timing and length of her texts
Show curiosity and personality
Use emoticons sparingly; they’re kind of lame
Get to the point and ask her out. Don’t text for a week. Your goal is to get her to meet you in person, not be a texting buddy